I'll end the night with this..

Since I am very inspired to write again, I typed these lines the other night. lol. :

''I just can't see a bright future with that person. I love her, I really do. But I just can't be with her, there's just love, emotions and feelings and I guess those factors are not enough to feed me.  she likes what she is now, she's contented with what she is now, She's devoted with what she is now and I dont like that. I dont want to change someone for the benefit of me. I dont want to see myself walking on the street with her forever. I have this dream and its good that I top them out of the list.''

Huhu. And I obviously am not the 1st person. I used a guy okay? :(

Thoughts on Paper

It had been an odd habit of mine to write down all the things that randomly pop into my head before I bag out an awesome shuteye. Here are the ugly thoughts that I wrote last night. (sorry for my words):

I have all these morbid thoughts and i want them to get out of me. Its affecting me, the whole part of me as if its spreading. Its Killing Me! You're killing me! Its disturbing me, its distracting me. I want to get out of this house, go anywhere else and scream!

Its so stupid

Im so stupid!

 Every night before I go to sleep, I try to blink as many times as I could to get these two balls exhausted. I think its way beyond stupid. I want to kill somebody.. I want to hurt somebody because I'm ridiculously hurt right now. i want you to feel the same way. I think I just got to , want to kill that ugly person i see in you. You're very immature. I thought you were the stronger, the smarter and the better person between us. But gaaaah you threw it all away!  I  hate how i always goo -- yeah I hate you, but I just have to check and see if you're okay. You know how painful it is for me to see that it is all gone now. I hate how we let each other burn. i hate how we grew cold despite all those painful buuurns.  we blew it all off and its all gone now. I horribly feel invisible again. Like im slowly vanishing in a thin piece of air. im suffocating and i cant get out.

  I know this had gone pretty long, pretty stupid and pretty random. and with all the dozen thorns i have in me, I just got to say that i want an awesome 8 hours of sleep. this should end, these should all end. 

I wrote it all like an old drunk man last night. worth it though cos i had an awesome sleep.. I dont know why but I guess what i wrote right there defy the actual me that only i can see, hurt and full words. But I love it, I love how it is. I love me.

New meat, dreams and a bucket full of related stuffs

Hi guys! I dont know if anyone of you, human beings, really make an effort to read this blog but I think I just have to say something about College. So whats up with college anyway?

I am an incoming BS Accountancy freshie at De La Salle University this coming June. Everything's okay na, I mean the enrolling process, payments, medical stuffs and all sorts.Anyway,  I guess it'll be pretty much interesting if I tell you how in the world I stumbled upon such course.

I am not a math wizard, geek or whatever you call them---Those people who can answer an ax bx cx =y equation in a snap. (If you know what I mean). As you can see, I like math equally. I honestly am not a sucker at trigo and algeb , but geom (yes, I am). The point is I like the uncomplicated version of math better , I enjoy solving algebra and trigo but I still prefer everything without the existence of alphabets. I dont like looking for x...ex... exxxx and exxxxxx lol. cos why the hell do we even have to do that right? Its like proving something highly intellectual but uninteresting. Proves no good point for me. (i hate to testify something beyond cruelty but yeah)

 Anyway before I finally decided to choose this course, I planned to do something in the field of writing . As you can see, I love expressing myself through writing but I think I'll get bored doing that fine stuff for the rest of my boring existence. I dump that,and thought about a field on engineering. (I know right, what the hell)

So this is why, My family is a group of engineers and architects. Most of them are good at  math,all of them siguro except for me. I dont want to be in a different boat so I thought about spending the rest of my life being boring and....yes, engineering could be the best adjective. I''ll grow old and grow bored so I decided to changed that and be on the field of medicine instead. But wth , is the tuition fee mas mahal pa sa buhay ko and I am not the most affectionate type of person you'll know and I believe na I'll do no good on poor human beings health.  so nahhh

One of my biggest dreams kasi is to become one of this country's well known ambassador. Yes, I dream within the impossible. An artista can be like that, they can be an ambassador without even paying so much tuition fees, so yeah that was the reason why I ended up deciding to do mathhh and pagaartista. Lol joke, pag aartista no but yeah, I ditch that dream for certain reasons.

Lately, I started thinking that with all the big dreams I listed on my journal, none of those course would clearly suffice them all. I needed to be more certain to become what I wanted to be. So What do I really want to be?

I can see myself working on a big company, very corporate-ish and sosyal! I want to have my own coffee shop merged with cupcaake goodies as well. I want to assess big events for people and get known for that as a sideline. I really wanted people to know me because of how I think and act, I want them to be surprise about how smart my ass is. I dont want to be known as the  pretty smirking chic (wow) na all I can do is make pacute with all the boys I know.

That's the time when I realized na that's it, I like selling things and I want to be the boss of my own. I want to work on a big company , or any company as a starter, look corporate-ish enough and well respected. But In order for me to be really good with selling, talking aand organizing events. I have to know how to play the money right first! That's when I realized na yeah, I can be an accountant and a business person all at the same time! Not marketing, business management or any other courses other than that would help me get through life's dreadful suffocation. (ew words)

 I think I did a lot of talking here but I guess that's it , that's how. haha ,I think the course is flexible enough na for my dreams , regarding having a mini coffee shop business and being an event organizer, I found out that there are short courses related to that on tesda which, I could take naman on my break. so long and not even worth it but thanks for reading

 take care