The moon and the sun

I have once considered myself as the moon surrounded by the horde of twinkling lights. There are hundreds, thousands and millions of them around me. By far I asked myself if there would ever be a chance of collision, a chance of permutation, a chance of change, perhaps a miracle—then so, I wonder.

I tried to get a hint of the first gleaming object in front of me. It may have taken a while when we intertwined but only a second to break apart. I strained myself from the light but another one swept me off the hook. It was the fastest; the speediest thing on earth but it took us three revolutions to disentangle the string. It was probably the most puzzling knot to undo. I was an inch close to believing that pileups are not for real, that collisions are not meant to link all the elements of the universe…..then suddenly, just suddenly I saw the sun-- The biggest, the brightest, and the closest light among all the dainty glowing objects around me.

I am not sure if any entities in the universe are destined to be in a good composition. I am not sure if the sun and the moon are meant to be collided, ramped or bumped . Amidst this phenomenon, I have realized that individuals are truly individuals. Each has a different fate; an altered fortune that has to be unraveled. Collisions are not a matter of chance but rather a choice. Comets, atoms and other entities beyond the control of the universe harshly hit each other not because of a certain law but because they have the ability to do so

Within us is a power, an underlying opportunity that will serve as a bridge to the other half. Right now I am happy, more than happy to consider the sun as my helping hand-- The one whose light shines through at the day and at night.

I have lost my faith in writing

My life is nothing but a waste.

 It had only been about me, scarcely walking, crawling maybe away from our building, carrying an enormous bulked of burden behind my back and the yellow sheets , yes the yellow sheets and the magical pricey pen that is almost out of tint.  By the time I got home, I always rush in front of the computer,  try to finish everything before the dues, do advance reading for my major, advance reading for my minor and get my ass up for another 5-hour sleep and be dull the next day.

My life is unhappy.  

So I get up, do the typical routine, get into the car, get into the building, write things, solve things, analyze things, get things right, pretend that I’m happy I got it right, walk home, go home and try to treat myself again with another bowl of carbs and do the dues again.
What a life.

I still check my to-do list during my off days just so I could divide my life from the so called life, piled up dues and another piled up dues for the coming week.

What I realize today at 8:37 pm, no, 8:10, is that I had been going in and out of the swc office just to pick up a little piece of paper, decipher the message and go straight home. It was just this week when we had another snack bite moment and a helpful piece of crap that says, Winners forget that they are in the race and that they just love to run. I wondered for a bit and threw the paper right after.

It was just last week when I was able to ask myself about my now and my tomorrow. Will I be happy to see myself sitting on a seat that is soft but gloomy and high but boring?

The answer is no.

Before this was even taken, I promised myself never to miss a single moment or a day to write about the cynical girl and her morbid thoughts. Because of the chain and all, I have lost my faith in writing. Even the things I write now are the notes, the research and the plans that I don’t read.

It is sad.

Right now I have tasks to finish, one for the major,a long one, the yellow sheets that  I was talking about, a minor assignment containing graphs and such,  conceptualization for the mtv I was assigned to pass next week, baby thesis, photo to edit and a whole lot more yet I am stuck, contemplating on whether I should finish every single bit of them or just let the dates pass.

Arte ain't artsy

The dappled tree

So I dashed through the halls of my sanctuary and tried to escape its chaotic ambiance. I run outside and passed through a narrow path. I feel naked so I tried to run more and hide. In front of me was a dappled tree.  I stopped and stand underneath its sturdy branches as I watched the world move on a kaleidoscope.  It was a messy place, diverse, everything seems cluttered until  I got a knock from my behind. The blaring figure in front of me suddenly stopped as it swiftly blurred and calmed.. the world, the time and all the slip-ups ..they stopped, everything stopped, everything but you.

You are a stranger, a beautiful stranger.

You have a precious eyes, the sweetest voice and the nicest heart

The eyes that see nothing but a glittering stone, a voice that speaks about the meekest truth and a heart that bears the nicest fruits

That sweet,enticing smile made me feel anxious. I tucked my hair behind my ears and tried to fix that bulky coat covering my face. There was a follow up question that made me feel more tensed and chilly  “where are you going?”. 

Nowhere. Nowhere really.

But I gobbled everything up to answer with “nowhere. Just waiting” I know with what I said, there was still something within me that still anticipates for that another bulk of chances. It was very tiring. With all the running and hiding, I noticed that the world will do nothing but force me to run not towards but to the place where I once dwelled upon and over, my sanctuary.

The place was a dark, cold asylum with a little spec of light passing through its smallest window.  It used to be the nicest place I know. The nicest place on earth. It was a happy place filled with hopes probably dreams and chances. I didn’t know how the loudest cheers suddenly deemed down but as the lights wavered, sweet ambiance lowered.. I felt as if I have to break the strongest walls present on my cage, wreck what hinders and pull off the beautiful face of the world.

I walked myself out and tried to diminish the memories of the history.

I run I hid I stopped. The universe suddenly crumbled and made a way out for me and my sanctuary to fall apart……….(for us to later on fall together). So the world stopped as I did and right now as we humbly exchange our tamest sentiments.. I believe that there could only be two reasons why the “now” exist:

One is for you to stand and wait there with me and two is for you to tell me to stop waiting because you’re already there.

We could watch the rain pour down but we can walk the muddy roads as it rains, you can stand there with me and wait but you can hold my hand as we drift away from the dappled tree.

There are things, there could only be two things. And if we could only allow ourselves and the chances to grows, if we could only destroy the boulders that binds  our histories and if we could only get the courage to drift away from the dappled tree.. then.. everything will be as good as great

My cup of tea

Did this for about 20 minutes. I guess this is what happens to people when they're inspired. haha, Requested by the way lol:

As the flowers blossom in the midst of spring,

As my starving paunch longs for a pint of swill,

Without a flicker nor a blink,

There it goes, my cup of tea

As I start to change the fate’s desire

When the thunders growl in the heaven up-high,

The bitter-sweet steam of love and bliss

Cover’s the chills and lingers the thrill

As the flowers gently wither,

angry  thunders slowly tame,

though the time had flown its way

and the leaves  turned ash and gray

Lifeless colors, countless dust

With a single light shining above

when the world seems dead

and the clock strikes 12

there it goes, my cup of tea 

Yeehaw!

Very ARTiculate

Art is about what you see, what you touch, what you hear and what you feel. Art is a sentiment that could be  both fascinating and repulsive at the same time. Art is a mere sensation of bliss and misery, it is a thinking that justly signifies how a flesh could perceive the essence of a flesh. Science on the other hand is impassive. It is dead, it is dull but it is sensible. It is methodological and it can be impartially explained with a bucket of intelligence, for short, it is the most significant evidence for existence.

The question is how can art be the art of senses

and how can science be a science of reasoning?

Aren't anyone's' feelings dependable enough to justify the hypothesis of life? Doesn't art include the coherent thinking of humanity? How can science be a confirmation not a theory? Are everything studied, solved and equated be a righteous assertion to the right paths of life?

Well, Science can prove everything with the perception of the mind but the art which revolves around the act of discerning clearly denotes that the science of science is an art of art as well.

The unhappy heart

What I wrote on my journal last night:

The thing is that I like you  but feelings are not enough reason to hold on. My emotions are far beyond reliable and I dont think that it is enough for me to justify my confusions. Im not sure if I am scared or I'm just not risky enough to tie myself up again. I dont want to gamble everything that has been amassed, I dont want to lose nor gain anything, To be a bit more precise, I dont want to have anything but my God, my family and my friends . There are things that I badly want to ask why like How can some people swear on a place that does not revolve on a constant phase?  How can some people actually assert that they can endure everything in the name of 'love' when love as it is is unconquerable? Why do some people still take the risk of loving and taking chances notwithstanding the anguish they feel? Cant we all just lay down, relax and look at the wonderful things the world has to show? Can't we just smile and praise God for He has given us all the odds to be happy again? Why look for something that will only turn your world upside down? Why say forever when forever in the first place doesnt exist for this world is not undying? Think about it. I dont have an impulsive heart, I just think that it is better to stay away from grief and sorrow than look for a remedy to cure an unhappy heart

Tangled

Rapunzel: I've been looking out of a window for eighteen years, dreaming about what I might feel like when those lights rise in the sky. What if it's not everything I dreamed it would be?

Flynn Rider: It will be.

Rapunzel: And what if it is? What do I do then?

Flynn Rider: Well,that's the good part I guess. You get to go find a new dream.

SWEET FREAKS( my msg to my beast friends who celebrated my birthday)

SO THIS WAS SO UNEXPECTED!

I dont really know how to say this right, but I really feel so touched and blessed to have all of you in my life way deep down. You were asking me to say something dramatically peculiar that time but i didnt because..duh 

but here's what I have to say

I love you all and thank you for considering that awkward phase in my life. Seriously, before I ended up being gruesomely humiliated by you (haha) my thoughts were all about the blessed father bacchuber. No seriously, i was not thinking about or worrying about anything at all (considering that we have 3 quizzes that day) well. yabang, haha. joke. I know how dumb-founded but still pretty , lol) I am most of the time and that is because I am always too busy counting all the blessings that i have in my life .  That of course includes all of you. I never really had an awesome experience much likely and it was very heart tugging and i couldnt say more basta it was all unexpected for real and until now di ako maka move on. haha. I know how tough this course is, we all know that. But I love you guys cause i can't see the pressure from those funny faces of yours. parang chill chill lang and its nakakahawa and i dont want us to change that. I swear we're gonna graduate, all of us , without the world turning us into a bunch beast freaking nerds. You know what I mean? lol, I LOVE BSA14-- the thing we call ourselves when people praise our smarty pants and BSA18-- the thing we usually call ourselves kapag wild tayo and napapagalitan. Dont change people ha, or else im gonna peltok your batoks. haha 

I'll end the night with this..

Since I am very inspired to write again, I typed these lines the other night. lol. :

''I just can't see a bright future with that person. I love her, I really do. But I just can't be with her, there's just love, emotions and feelings and I guess those factors are not enough to feed me.  she likes what she is now, she's contented with what she is now, She's devoted with what she is now and I dont like that. I dont want to change someone for the benefit of me. I dont want to see myself walking on the street with her forever. I have this dream and its good that I top them out of the list.''

Huhu. And I obviously am not the 1st person. I used a guy okay? :(

1st of June and crying

I should have been very busy working on my romantic poem when the world suddenly brought me back into the past and ruin my supposed plans for this afternoon. I run to the lord again, In tears and in despair. I truly, madly asked Him why:

Lord,

 why do I always feel like this, trap, drowned and down in times when I already found myself a little hope? When will I ever be truly  happy again? When can I possibly get out of this massive darkness? I want to see the light , be there, stay there, live there. I just want to see myself moved on Lord, I dont want to judge the past any longer, I dont want to lived with all the hatred and burden and sorrow in this world. I just want to forget them, be happy and start over. :( Your love is untimely as well as your plans and your miracles, I am not rushing you. I am not asking you to make things easier for me nor question You and your desired plans for me. I just can't help but cry and ask why. Please show me the answers, Im in despair:(

These are not the exact same words that I actually told God in a queer silence. Just like How I used to, I checked His words again and tried to find the answers for myself: Words and photos via searchquotes.com:

Fashion Pegs 101: The Good Bye Summer Outfit!

I am trying to make a story behind the title and the outfit but I can't juice my thinking cells right now. I think for now, I will have to keep this blog updated with something decent.

I think I'm depressed huhu

I am contemplating between the existence of a sub standard human robot and a plain-reckless, cold-hearted wheeler in my life. Im just wondering how some people could take the guilt of putting the blame on a person he or she reluctantly wheeled on for once. I am not a saint nor an angel. I dont always do the good things.I am tempted, I am mean but I guess the existence of flaws are very necessary in life. 

Mistakes can be damn up roaring sometimes but theres a fine line between doing the very same mistake for a good reason and doing it again for the bad.

 I frankly do and say the ever cruelest words  but I never really did come to a point where I intentionally jerked over other people’s feelings. I can be less sentimental at most times but feelings are very important to me.Thus, Its not so fair to allow people no matter how worthy they think they are to jerk up my own built. I let people handle me up to the top and down to the bottom and though expected, its not very ideal for me to feel oppress on and after the process. Nobody does. 

Ube and Mustard

1. BANGLES

   , 

   SM ACCESORIES 

   , in JEWELRY

2. SHOULDER POUCH

   , 

   MANGO 

   , 

   MANGO 

   , in MANGO BAGS

3. MUSTARD SHORT

   , 

   JRC FASHION CLICKS 

   , in SHORTS

4. WHITE TURTLE NECK

   , 

   PREPPY 

   , in TOPS

5. PURPLE WEDGE

   , 

   PARISIAN 

   , 

   PARISIAN 

   , in HEELS & WEDGES

Top 10 Girl Crushes

Hello there! I had been thinking a lot about making it a habit to post at least one dilemma for a day. Its weird I know, but doesn't it feel great to just make yourself feel extra gloomy for the chill weather?:)) Haha Its like sitting on a pretty comfy couch and grabbing a cup of hot chocolate--the feeels. haha anyway before I begin, I would like to say that I love and hate--mostly love this perfectly created beings on earth. Love them because they inspire me, hate them because they're not me. Thats the dilemma, the inferiority feeling. Its sucks to feel that way. Its weird but here it is anyway, my positive sort of dilemma for today

Thoughts on Paper

It had been an odd habit of mine to write down all the things that randomly pop into my head before I bag out an awesome shuteye. Here are the ugly thoughts that I wrote last night. (sorry for my words):

I have all these morbid thoughts and i want them to get out of me. Its affecting me, the whole part of me as if its spreading. Its Killing Me! You're killing me! Its disturbing me, its distracting me. I want to get out of this house, go anywhere else and scream!

Its so stupid

Im so stupid!

 Every night before I go to sleep, I try to blink as many times as I could to get these two balls exhausted. I think its way beyond stupid. I want to kill somebody.. I want to hurt somebody because I'm ridiculously hurt right now. i want you to feel the same way. I think I just got to , want to kill that ugly person i see in you. You're very immature. I thought you were the stronger, the smarter and the better person between us. But gaaaah you threw it all away!  I  hate how i always goo -- yeah I hate you, but I just have to check and see if you're okay. You know how painful it is for me to see that it is all gone now. I hate how we let each other burn. i hate how we grew cold despite all those painful buuurns.  we blew it all off and its all gone now. I horribly feel invisible again. Like im slowly vanishing in a thin piece of air. im suffocating and i cant get out.

  I know this had gone pretty long, pretty stupid and pretty random. and with all the dozen thorns i have in me, I just got to say that i want an awesome 8 hours of sleep. this should end, these should all end. 

I wrote it all like an old drunk man last night. worth it though cos i had an awesome sleep.. I dont know why but I guess what i wrote right there defy the actual me that only i can see, hurt and full words. But I love it, I love how it is. I love me.

Very random

A photo taken at Singapore.. I am Pinay by the way.

Fashion Pegs 101: Orientation Outfit

Hey girls! Few weeks more and its off to college! Let me share you my college outfit pegs for this coming school year.

Today's trend? Orientation Outfit

Its a new school, a new life and a new you. You may be pretty hook up with all the Mitch Albom , JK Rowling stuffs back in your HS and you do prefer the less-visible look. I think now's the right time to change that, stand up and make yourself shine. Here's the perfect look I know to make an awesome impression on your first day.

The SG Food Attack!

Lets pigged out and turn my blab blog to food porn! Chow down and feel free to gobble up the yummy delis we've eaten at Singapore.

(Not enough captions and reviews for reasons )

Kopitiam Restaurant:

Fish soup/Fish head