I have all these morbid thoughts and i want them to get out of me. Its affecting me, the whole part of me as if its spreading. Its Killing Me! You're killing me! Its disturbing me, its distracting me. I want to get out of this house, go anywhere else and scream!
Its so stupid
Im so stupid!
Every night before I go to sleep, I try to blink as many times as I could to get these two balls exhausted. I think its way beyond stupid. I want to kill somebody.. I want to hurt somebody because I'm ridiculously hurt right now. i want you to feel the same way. I think I just got to , want to kill that ugly person i see in you. You're very immature. I thought you were the stronger, the smarter and the better person between us. But gaaaah you threw it all away! I hate how i always goo -- yeah I hate you, but I just have to check and see if you're okay. You know how painful it is for me to see that it is all gone now. I hate how we let each other burn. i hate how we grew cold despite all those painful buuurns. we blew it all off and its all gone now. I horribly feel invisible again. Like im slowly vanishing in a thin piece of air. im suffocating and i cant get out.
I know this had gone pretty long, pretty stupid and pretty random. and with all the dozen thorns i have in me, I just got to say that i want an awesome 8 hours of sleep. this should end, these should all end.
I wrote it all like an old drunk man last night. worth it though cos i had an awesome sleep.. I dont know why but I guess what i wrote right there defy the actual me that only i can see, hurt and full words. But I love it, I love how it is. I love me.
